Where Am I?

I’ve gotten behind in telling you of my misadventures. We need to catch-up. What caused me to get behind is where I need to begin.


My parents are both living and until December 2009 they were living independently in their own house. Well, trying to live independently might be more accurate. It was very important to them to live life the way they wanted. Nor did they want to be a burden on anyone. The fact of the matter was they needed help just to cover the basics and they tried to cover over or hide most of their memory issues by living on fast food – breakfast, lunch and dinner, and concealing any other events that might prove they were incapable of doing it on their own. The fast food routine (consisting of McDonalds in the morning, and KFC, CiCi’s Pizza, or Arby’s in the afternoon) may have even begun as a measure to conceal problems. The pattern began after I found potatoes burning on the stove one evening and neither could smell or hear what was going on. By the way, we took meals in only to find them still in the refrigerator, days later. Who knows why? It could be they forgot them or that by eating them, they would be admitting they need help. Or maybe they just needed to “get out.”

Other things, like the less-than-routine bills not on bank draft were another problem. One might find an insurance refund in the garage under some stuff 4 months after the postmark date on the envelop, or realize a doctor’s bill was unpaid when I found a “final” statement even though the check register showed the bill had been paid. Someone might even ask, “What happened to the check?” His response was always, “We take care of what needs doing.”

Maybe I was also a bit complicit in their daily-life cover-up of inadequacies. Indeed, I had learned to avoid the few “Hot Button” topics, like giving up driving and moving into an assisted living facility. I also managed to give them their medications every evening after work so I knew they had taken them.


Then there were the household repairs that needed to be made. They didn’t want anything fixed. My dad would complain about the noise. He didn’t want repairmen in the house. It was hard to tell if they just didn’t want to pay anyone to do something, or the fact that he would have to get out of his chair to accommodate the repairmen. Did I say they just didn’t tell you about things that needed attention. It was hard to tell if it was unintentional or part of the cover-up.

So, even after all the concessions, they were not always agreeable and their attempts to not be a burden were becoming a real burden.

Then in December my mother went into the hospital with an infection. A day or two before she was to return home, my brother and I gave them a choice, move into an assisted living facility or agree to have home health care assistance. Not surprisingly my dad chose home health. Then someone ran into my dad’s SUV (ironically, he was not driving it) and it was “totaled.”

And so the story cycled to the issue of the car. It became his obsession. Simply, put, my brother and I could not let him get another car and so it appeared the world was conspiring against him as I had gone to all the car dealerships in the area and told them not to sell this man a car. They were all agreeable.

After two months our mother went into the hospital again and my dad went in shortly thereafter. At that point my brother and I moved them into an assisted. Several years ago they had given us power of attorney. We gave them no choice.

They are now living in an assisted living memory unit. It is new and smaller than most such facilities. There is a large fenced courtyard for them in which they can sit as well as help staff grow a few vegetables and flowers. Mom enjoys music and games every day. Her memory continues to decline rapidly. Pop enjoys one big reclining chair. After seven months they have adjusted to their new surroundings. The staff there is great. Children, grandchildren, two nieces and even great grandchildren have visited them. I’ve included a video clip of three of their great grandchildren entertaining them - two of them are “clogging.” Other photos are of them and their room. We don’t talk about the car or the house. It’s a good thing.




Pop does ask, “Where am I?” He does on every visit I make to see them. He may ask it several times. It appears to me that relationships (with people and places) remain important to know who we are and that we are secure.

Our remembrances of the past seem to help us all. What am I learning? I am working at being more flexible and agreeable to the notions that my children and grandchildren have about where I need to be and what I need to do. If I heed their advice and encouragement and they seek whatever wisdom I might have, perhaps all will go smoothly. Hopefully I can establish a pattern of it that will endure into my senior years. I suppose we call this communication.


Just as God sought to speak to Israel (Isaiah 1.18 says, “Come, let us reason together.”) I need to be continually open to His will and to what my children have to say.

Biblical References:

1 Timothy 5.1 says, “Engage with and encourage the elderly.”

Proverbs 12.15 – Wise men listen to counsel (even elderly men and women).

Ecclesiastes 12.1-8 – “Acknowledge God and establish a godly pattern of living before you are confronted with an endless run of trouble and physical problems, and you say, “Life isn’t worth living any more.” When you say, “Life is gloomy; my hands and legs are unsure and I’m prone to fall; my shoulders and back are no longer strong; my teeth are few; I no longer see well and I have a hard time hearing birds sing; I’m unable to sleep well; I’m afraid of falling; I’m crippled because I’ve had a stroke; I no longer have any sexual desire. All that awaits me is death. So it is that we all die and return to dust. So it is, those who mourn us yet live on. So it is that the sprit of God within us will return to Him.

2 Corinthians 4.16 – Do not give up becoming who you need to become, even though your body is falling apart and you are getting old and eventually will die.

1 Timothy 5.1-2 - Do not ignore or give older men a difficult time, but encourage them as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.

The Disney Experience

In January the Keck clan spent a week in Florida. This included my son, daughter-in-law and their two children (Hadley and Shepherd) and my daughter, son-in-law and their two children (Analayne and Leighton). Most memorable were the three days at Disney World near Orlando. The weather was wonderful, pretty much the entire week, except for one night while storms passed through the area. The mornings were cool and the afternoons warm, a pleasant relief from Middle Tennessee this year, which has been cold and snowy. Aside from the weather at this time of year, Disney World is an impressive and absorbing environment. The land on which it stands was assembled in the late sixties with the Magic Kingdom built-out and opening in October 1971. It was the culmination of a dream by Walt Disney who died before the project was complete. The dream was to create a place for families to enjoy themselves. Disney was in the entertainment business. His animations and stories solidified, beginning with my generation, a unique American culture on which families now regularly build. He saw opportunities and he seized them.

What struck me about this adventure with four young children was my own history with Walt Disney. It has been a long journey, spanning 55 years. For me, it began in the mid-fifties on a small screen, black and white television. It began with a TV series beginning in the fall of 1954 referred to as “Disneyland.” Even though Disney had been at work during the thirties and forties doing full-length feature animations, they didn’t resonate with us baby-boomers until the mid-fifties. Through this portal we encountered Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, Pinocchio, Davy Crockett, Briar Rabbit (Song of the South), Dumbo, and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. The weekly, hour-length show was almost ceremonial as the family gathered around the TV to watch. It was about the same time Disney captivated us by also opening a place in California called “Disneyland.” It was a place of magic, because it was attractive and for most of us a bit “out-of-reach.” It included a castle, a roller coaster and live walking characters (Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy) right out of his animated features.

Shortly after “Disneyland” (the show) began its run in the fall of 1955, Disney hooked us boomers with another show featuring serial stories and a special club song. It included a group of energetic kids and called itself “The Mickey Mouse Club.” The serial story I best remember was officially known as, “Spin and Marty.” I just remember it as being about a couple of boys, a little older than I, at the time spending time at the Triple-R Ranch.

Add to these creditable products, the periodic movies Disney produced (Parent Trap, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Journey to the Center of the World, and One Hundred and One Dalmatians, The Absent Minded Professor (Flubber) and Swiss Family Robinson and it was inevitable that Disney World would manifest itself somewhere in Florida.

My first visit to Disney World was in December 1971. My father-in-law had died the previous January and my mother-in-law needed an alternative to a “traditional Christmas.” Because my grandparents were spending the winter in Kissimmee, we all went to Disney World. It turned out to be a wonderful time for everyone. I can still recall my grandmother’s astonishment when at the conclusion of a ghost-house ride a bodiless, eerie voice called out to her and said, “Come back soon, Madge.” Did I mention that her given name was “Madge?”

Since that initial visit, we’ve been to Disney World several times. In December 1985, when our own children were 8 and 10 years old, our family spent another Christmas there with friends, Greg and Marcia. On that trip Chad and Leeanne tried, without success to drown my friend Greg in a hotel pool. It also began their addiction to all things Disney. By then, EPCOT had been added (in 1982) and we spent a day there. EPCOT was a “World’s Fair” kind of experience. In 1989 Hollywood Studies opened, and in 1998 Animal Kingdom.

Notice in the accompanying photos most of us in front of the resort where we stayed. It is a Disney Resort focusing on the 50s, 60s and seventies called “Pop Century.” At the restaurant serving this “motel” style facility, Elvis and other early rock and roll musicians were played. It was my heritage. Other photos show my grandchildren embracing stuffed animals, specifically: Crush (“Finding Nemo”), Baby Dumbo, Lady (“Lady and the Tramp”) and Pluto.

The family experiences related to Disney remind me of scripture. There are examples in the Bible when godly people failed to properly connect with their children and their children appeared to lose their way. There are examples when one child is “favored” over others and they had a second-class type of citizenship. There are admonitions to tell children stories conveying heritage and values. Scripture also makes the point we are to value children because they have great value to God. So I guess the point is, we are to be relationally relevant to children. It is important to simply play with them, to enjoy what they enjoy. Biblically, both Timothy and Paul had ancestors that made deposits to their lives.

Disney might have put it this way, “Families need to enjoy time together.” I think what Disney has done has been to create places and tell stories where family can spend time together and then talk about what they have seen and done. We had a wonderful shared experience. Hopefully we have added to relationships in which our children and grandchildren will thrive. Maybe my photos will help everyone remember what we saw and did.

Scripture:
Deuteronomy 6.7 – As you go, teach your children that God is good.
Deuteronomy 6. 20 – When your son or daughter asks you, you can say what the Lord has done for you.
Psalm 78.4 – Tell the next generation what God has done, His power and wonders.
Psalm 79.13 – God’s people will praise Him and from generation to generation they will recount it.
Psalm 145.4 – One generation will commend God’s works to another.
Proverbs 10.1 – A wise son makes a father glad.
Ecclesiastes 11.9 – Enjoy your youth within God’s boundaries.
Mark 3.25 – A house that is divided withers.

Luke 9.48 – And Jesus said to them, “Whoever respects a child because they love me receives me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me.”

Ephesians 6.1-4 – Children, obey your parents, for this is right. Similarly, fathers should not provoke their children to anger.
2 Timothy 1.3-5 – Paul said, “I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors. Similarly, I am reminded of your faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother and your mother.”

2 John 1.4 – I rejoice to find some of your children walking in the truth.